Confessions of a SmileyFreak

New Blog Address, Yo.

2008-09-21T17:35:00.001-05:00

A long while back, I moved my blog.

CLICK HERE.

So, yeah, check my new place out. :P

By His Wounds We Are Healed

2008-03-22T01:53:00.006-05:00

He was pierced for our transgressions
crushed for our sins
the punishment that brought us peace
was upon Him
and by His wounds, by His wounds we are healed

We are healed by Your sacrifice
by the life that You gave
we are healed for You paid the price
by Your grace we are saved
we are saved

By His Wounds from the Glory Revealed project

What Food Do You Refuse to Eat?

2008-03-14T01:24:00.003-05:00

There are quite a few, actually.

First off, I am not a fan of the black eyed peas. (The food, not the band...but then again, the band sucks too...) I don't eat them on New Year's Day, even though certain family members try their hardest to harass me into doing it...saying things such as, "You'll have bad luck!" You say that every year. Has it changed my mind yet? Just saying...

The second thing is tartar sauce. It makes me nauseous. Seriously.

Third...mushy, boiled oatmeal. You know, the breakfast kind that lowers your cholesterol, with the Quaker dude on the box. Oatmeal cookies, however...nom nom nom nom!

Next, lima beans. I will by the more expensive frozen mixed veggies just because they don't have them.

I'm not a huge fan of okra either...I can eat it in gumbo, but any other way, and the sliminess of it puts me off.

I'm also not a big fan of fish, with the exception of salmon and tuna.

Other than that, I'll eat most anything. I'll at least try it once.

How 'bout you??

Question via Question of the Day.

Starbucks Chocolate?

2008-03-08T01:18:00.003-06:00

Apparently, Starbucks is coming out with a line of coffee and tea flavored chocolates. According to this AP story, "the chocolates, which will include a blend of cacao, natural ingredients, Starbucks coffee, Tazo tea and other coffeehouse flavors, will be produced by Hershey Co. unit Artisan Confections Co."

If I find some in a store somewhere, I will try it, and see how good it is. I like the sound of it, though. Coffee + chocolate = win.

(Via Starbucks Gossip)

Women of the Bible - Interesting Read

2008-03-05T23:33:00.001-06:00

I was browsing the web yesterday, and ran across this series of articles at US News & World Report called Women of the Bible. I haven't had a chance to read all of them yet, but the ones I've read so far have been interesting, so I thought I'd share. The article on Mary Magdalene was particularly interesting.

E.L.F. is dumb. Seriously.

2008-03-04T23:22:00.004-06:00

E.L.F. (or Earth Liberation Front, for those of you who don't know) has struck again. They decided that in defense of nature (or something) they needed to burn down some multi-million dollar eco-friendly model homes in Washington state.

E.L.F. baffles me. They rail against development in areas citing supposed damage to Ma Earth, yet their method of destruction usually involves setting said development ablaze. Doesn't that send toxic fumes into the air? Isn't that bad for the environment? Just saying.

Interesting Stuff I Ran Across This Week

2008-02-09T20:18:00.000-06:00

Here are links to some interesting things I read or nifty sites I found this week.

25 tips to achieve a deep, uninterrupted sleep
Biofuels Deemed a Greenhouse Threat - New York Times
House approved the College Opportunity and Affordability Act, which includes a controversial MPAA-backed amendment requiring colleges to implement anti-piracy measures, or, by some interpretations, they could lose Federal Student Aid eligibility. Read more info on HR4137.
Take a look at this $6 million home theater
Internet "troll" anonymity is protected under the first amendment, according to a California court of appeals.
How Many Countries Can You Name in Five Minutes?
Check out this knee brace that can re-charge your iPod (or other electronic devices).
Yahoo! is reportedly going to reject Microsoft's takeover bid.

A Place I Fit [or knowing my role.]

2008-02-07T23:21:00.000-06:00

Throughout most of my life I've felt like a bit of an outcast. I felt like a puzzle piece that wasn't cut quite right. Through my younger years, I used my differences to isolate myself, and ultimately developed a bit of an inferiority complex.

Now I understand that I do have a place. Perhaps my puzzle piece needs a bit of sanding and refining to be able to fit in the spot in the puzzle that God has created for me. Do I see how I am a part of the bigger picture yet? Not quite, but I'm willing to be refined in order to know my role.

In 1 Corinthians chapter 12, Paul writes to the church at Corinth about the Body of Christ, and how there are many parts which do different things, but each is necessary in order for the Body to work effectively. No one can do everything, but everyone can do one thing. We've all been blessed with abilities, talents, and interests that are unique to each of our faith communities. We've all lived different lives and have different perspectives to offer to areas of ministry within our churches. All of our different gifts can be used together to carry out the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20).

Picture via stock.xchng

Psalm 51:10-13 [a prayer.]

2008-02-07T00:31:00.000-06:00

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You.

If you could change one past event in your life, what would it be?

2008-02-03T12:40:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be at this moment in time if a decision by myself or people who have affected my life would have been made differently. I wonder if my life would have turned out better...or worse...than it is right now.

If I think about it, though, I don't think I would change anything about my life...even the bad parts. (And there have been some pretty bad parts.) My experiences have taught me things that I don't think I'd have learned otherwise, and every single event that has happened has shaped me into the person I am today. I don't know if the grass would be greener in the lawn I live in now if something had gone differently in my past.

The tough times build character...they give depth to the soul. But they make the good times taste that much sweeter.

What say you? Would you change something in your past?

Time Clutter

2008-01-06T12:51:00.000-06:00

Most of us know that a cluttered desk makes it harder to concentrate, and a cluttered bedroom can lead to restless nights. But what about time clutter?

Time is precious. We can't get back lost or wasted time, so we should be good stewards of the time we have. For me, time clutter is activities or obligations that serve no purpose in my life, due to the fact that I'm not passionate about it, or that it's a chore that I don't have to do.

If we truly want to de-clutter our lives, we should look at how we spend our time in addition to looking at and evaluating all the stuff we own. Is what we are spending our time on something we feel good about doing? Is it something that we have a passion for, or is it something we are doing still because we've been doing it for years?

Our time should be spent doing things we care about, and ultimately living for God. Time is a gift. I think that if we lived as if it were a gift, that perhaps we wouldn't be so inclined to be busy for the sake of being busy, and we would savor the moments we have and make the most of them.

Happy New Year! Time to Make That Resolution...

2008-01-01T01:15:00.000-06:00

Ladies and dudes...

Happy 2008!

Another year has begun, and like a lot of people, I have made several resolutions. However, unlike previous years where I've made resolutions, I really feel like I will be able to stick to them this time (of course, everyone says that, so we'll see). So here they are:

Become friends with the treadmill again. I'm out of shape, y'all. 'Nuff said.

Get organized, and stay that way! If any of you could see my bedroom right now, you'd understand why this is important...

Reclaim my time and rediscover what I'm about at the core. I need to say no to things, and focus my time on things that I'm passionate about and people that I care about. I have found that those things have been neglected, so it's time to dust them off. I miss them.

How 'bout you? What is something that you're resolved to do in 2008?

16 Year Old Girls Having Babies Isn't an Uncommon Occurence...Look at Your Local High School

2007-12-22T14:08:00.000-06:00

I've been reading and seeing on the cable news stations the mini-outrage over Jamie Lynn Spears being pregnant at 16. (And how she's a bad example, and blah, blah, blah...)

First of all, is there not anything more important to report on?

Second, why is such a huge earth shattering ruckus being raised about her when there are 750,000+ teenage pregnancies every year in the US?

Why not get upset that this is not an uncommon occurrence? She's just another one of many teen girls who's having a baby too young.

Perspective

2007-10-08T00:06:00.000-05:00

Life gives us many challenges, and it isn't always fair. Sometimes we are faced with situations where we are treated badly. Sometimes those people intentionally treat us badly; other times, they may do so without realizing it.

When we're treated (we feel) unfairly, some of us choose to talk to the person we feel has wronged us. Some of us let it slide a couple of times, and then tell the people, "Hey, that's not cool." Others of us don't say anything and let our hurt build up until the point that we cut off ties with those people.

In the last case, are those of us who don't say anything partially to blame for the demise of that relationship?

You can't have any sort of relationship, be it professional, friendship, romantic, whatever without communication. If nobody knows how you feel, especially the person who you have a grievance with, how are they to know they need to correct their behavior, and/or apologize?

If you feel like someone has done you wrong, or if you have issue with them, don't let those feelings bottle up inside until you explode or just quit talking to them. You have to tell them.

When we don't tell people when we feel we've been wronged, it starts to skew our perspective, which in turn causes dissension and separation. We start to see the annoyances, the problems, and the hurts, and put blinders up to all of the good things and the love that is there, which begins to unravel the unity that exists.

Are you in a situation in your church, your workplace, or your home where you feel like you've been wronged? Are you talking about how you feel to those whom have been unkind or unfair to you? Do you see the good things about the people in that place, or do you just see the injustice? What is your perspective?

Music Survey

2007-10-05T17:27:00.000-05:00

1.)

Without looking at the questions below, list your top 10 favorite artists

1. Third Day
2. Chris Tomlin
3. David Crowder*Band
4. Skillet
5. DC Talk
6. Leeland
7. Etta James
8. Flyleaf
9. All-Star United
10. Switchfoot

2.)

Q: What was the first song you ever heard by #2?
A: "We Fall Down"

3.)

Q: What is your favorite album of #6?
A: They've only had one...

4.)

Q: What is your favorite Lyric of #7?
A: "He may not be the man some girls think of as handsome, but to my heart he carries the key."

5.)

Q: What is your favorite song by #9?
A: Hmm...either "Drive" or "Thank You, Goodnight"

6.)

Q: Is there a song of #1 that makes you sad?
A: "It's a Shame" does a bit because of the subject matter...

7.)

Q: What is your favorite song by #8?
A: "Supernatural"

8.)

Q: What is your favorite song by #10?
A: "Learning to Breathe" or "Awakening"

9.)

Q: What is your favorite album by #8?
A: They've only had one full-length...but their EPs are good too.

10.)

Q: How did you get into #5?
A: I heard them at youth way back in the day...love them! Own every CD they put out.

11.)

Q: What is your favorite song by #4?
A: "Alien Youth" "Kill Me Heal Me" "A Little More" "Cycle Down" or "Yours to Hold"

12.)

Q: Who is your favorite band member of #1?
A: That's a hard choice. All of them are cool...they're a unit. You can't break 'em up.

13.)

Q: What is a good memory concerning #4?
A: Rocking out to them in my car. :) Someday I'll get to see them live.

14.)

Q: What does #9 remind you of?
A: 1997...seeing Switchfoot, All-Star United, and Third Day for the first time, and seeing that not all Christian music is completely lame.

15.)

Q: Is there a song by #3 that makes you sad?
A: No

16.)

Q: What is your favorite song of #1?
A: "Sky Falls Down" or "Underwater"

17.)

Q: How did you become a fan of #7?
A: All the good singers reference her, so I checked out her stuff, and I love her voice.

18.)

Q: What do you like to do while listening to #6?
A: Worship & reflect...

19.)

Q: Which of the 10 has influenced you the most?
A: Probably Third Day...their music is like my musical soup. It's got everything I like. Plus Mac's vocals are always killer.

20.)

Q: Which artist makes you the most happy?
A: They all make me happy, but each in their own way.

21.)

Q: Which artist makes you the most sad?
A: None of them.

22.)

Q: Which artist makes the best dance music?
A: Hmm...well, being as I don't dance, (I'm white. 'Nuff said.) this is a hard one to answer. But I would suppose DC Talk's stuff is better for that.

23.)

Q: Which artist have you liked the longest?
A: DC Talk

24.)

Q: Which artist have you liked the shortest?
A: Leeland

25.)

Q: Are there any artists you will still be listening to in 20 years?
A: Yes, I will pull these artists out from now on, most likely. :)

26.)

Q: What are you listening to right now?
A: Right this moment? The fan in my computer. ;)

Okay, now it's your turn. Post your answers in a comment or in your own note or blog.

Stolen from MamaGomer on the Third Day Boards.

Big Brother 8 - The Dick & Danielle Show

2007-09-19T00:08:00.000-05:00

I watched Big Brother this season. Unfortunately, Dick and Danielle were the final two house guests, and Dick won the half million dollar prize.

Some may say that Dick's methods worked brilliantly. While this is true, I don't think that he and Danielle played the game fairly, or for that matter, maturely. Dick reminds me of an 8 year old schoolyard bully. He's a bit sad, honestly.

But that's just par for the course on these "reality" shows where people compete for large sums of money. There is lots of that sort of thing to be had.

Stop!

2007-09-15T01:14:00.001-05:00

Click on it to download a larger version!

Praise

2007-09-07T01:06:00.000-05:00

I am somewhat ADD/random, so unlike most people I know of who study the Bible, I study it like I surf the Internet, by searching for something that I'm thinking about at a particular moment in time.

Last night we had a worship committee meeting at church, and after what we talked about, it's got me wanting to delve into the topic of praising God--what that really is, and how to do it because it is genuine, and what God wants, and not just something to do or some feeling that I want.

Praise is more than just prayers of thanksgiving and songs we sing in church. Praise is a lifestyle. Praise is our becoming Christlike; meeting people where they are at, and meeting their needs because they need to be met. It's sharing the Gospel through our acts of kindness and words of encouragement in our daily lives.

God wants so much more from us than just singing along to some songs and praying the Lord's Prayer on Sunday mornings. He wants our whole lives.

I think that perhaps in my congregation we've been stuck in the mode of sing songs, take an offering, sing the Doxology, sing some more songs, hear a sermon, go home. Instead of being a place where I felt like I could go to be refueled each week, I felt like it was a place, like much of the rest of my life of late, that was spiritually draining. I wrestled with that feeling, and have had a deep, deep longing to go to the well, dip my bucket in, and not come out empty.

I do feel encouraged, though, that things are going to move in a direction where we do things with purpose...not just because we "need" to do it or have always done it; and that God will really be present and working through all of us in a harmonious way, so that our house of worship will be truly that--a house of worship--and through us God can do great things.

Asking the Better Questions

2007-08-23T00:02:00.000-05:00

I think I have a responsibility in what I say, but just because I have a cool idea about God doesn't mean it should be preached as truth on Sunday. I'm human and just as messed up as anyone—I just happen to sing louder. Some of the issues I'm wrestling with right now are on this record and others aren't. Some of your issues may be here and others may not be. My point in all of it is to inspire you to take these issues and wrestle with the Lord yourself. He may or may not answer your question [in this life], but you will be changed.
-Todd Agnew

Go read the whole interview on Christian Music Today

I could play on this site for hours...

2007-08-03T01:12:00.000-05:00

...seriously.

If you like messing around with color schemes, check out kuler. You can make your own color schemes, name them, and share them with other users, who can rate them and comment on them. Pretty cool.

Ducks on the Lake

2007-07-25T01:03:00.001-05:00

Took this photo out at a local lake last month.

Singer-songwriters, or just singers?

2007-07-25T00:38:00.000-05:00

This article from the Associated Press brings to light that some recording artists who are given credit for songwriting, in reality may not have contributed to the writing of the song. Unfortunately, by some of the quotes in this piece, this may be a common practice in the music industry.

Singer-songwriters, or just singers?

Burger King To Offer Un-DRMed Songs from EMI

2007-07-24T23:47:00.000-05:00

EMI is the only major record label that gets it, apparently, as they have now agreed to give away unrestricted, DRM free MP3 files of songs thru a promotion at United Kingdom Burger King restaurants. When a "kids meal" is purchased, there will be a promo code that can be entered at a website.

This follows EMI deciding to offer it's catalog of songs on iTunes in a DRM free format almost two months ago.

Story via Wired blog Listening Post.

"It's goin'."

2007-06-30T02:44:00.000-05:00

Sometimes life gets to goin' and it seems like your in a car moving 90 to nothin' passing life by to where it becomes a blur.

I remember when I told myself long ago that I wouldn't let my life become that, and yet, often as of late, I have found myself sitting in that moving car going 90 to nothin'. Oft times, behind the wheel.

I think that perhaps I need to re-evaluate my priorities, and recall that the brake is there...you know, the short pedal on the left. :)

Being involved in extra activities is taking its toll on me. I'm finding that I don't have enough time for myself, to do things that I like to do that help me deal with stress in a positive way. I find myself reacting to situations in ways that aren't healthy or productive. My patience level is darn near zero.

I miss painting. I miss writing. Lately, I have been to tired or too busy to bother with starting a painting project or a writing project. And I'm really not taking as good of care of myself as I should, either, physically or spiritually.

So that has led me to the conclusion that I need to cut some things out of my life, and I have decided that at the end of this year I will go off of the board of an organization I'm involved in, and that less of my time will be devoted to my church.

I think that will be best for everyone involved. I don't feel like I'm able to devote the kind of effort that I feel is required of someone in the positions that I am in, and I would like to focus my attention to those things that I can be of real help with and have a real passion for. The spark is gone for the organization and for some things I am involved in at my church.

I am actively praying that whoever those people are that succeed me in these various duties...that there will be someone who has a love and a gift in these areas and can step in. And that I can continue with what needs to be done in the mean time.

So here's to hittin' the brake...but in a slow fashion as not to cause the back seat passengers to fly into the seat in front of them. ;)

Oooh...Pretty. :)

2007-06-21T22:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I happened to have my camera with me, and after praise team practice I decided to take pictures of some of the flowers in the flowerbed outside of my church.

With the abundance of rain we've had lately, everything is so green and there are wildflowers blooming all over. It really is a beautiful sight, especially after the last several years of drought conditions, where the late spring and summer were hot and the grass was brown and dry.

It is a time of rejuvenation. And a time to rejoice in God's beauty around us.

Earings for the Geeky Chick

2007-06-03T23:37:00.000-05:00

I have now seen it all...I might have to order these...just for the geeky lol'z. :) Har, har. via.

Update Your iTunes for DRM Free Music

2007-05-30T17:08:00.001-05:00

According to Mashable!, iTunes has released version 7.2 which includes the ability to purchase DRM free tracks for $1.29 a pop. Read iTunes' DRM-free Music Now Available.

Rain.

2007-04-30T23:02:00.000-05:00

Bring rivers in this wasteland
Clouds into this sky
Bring springs of life into the wells that have been run dry

Rise up in this city
Gather in this light
Fall down on your people
Your glory and your life

Rain
Lord we thirst for water
Rain
We are desert Land
Rain
On your sons and daughters
Rain
Bring your rain again

-Rain Song by Day of Fire

I'm sitting here listening to the rain, and I'm reminded of how refreshing it is. It never fails that the dead brown of West Texas turns green and grows a foot taller after a good rain.

Sometimes we need God's rain. Sometimes our souls are thirsty, and the only thing that can refresh us is the raining down of God's grace and strength. Especially when our spiritual wells have run dry.

Perhaps this is why I love a rainstorm so much. It reminds me that the dry spells don't last forever. Eventually the rains come, clean the air, and revive the land.

Steve Jobs is lobbying for DRM free music

2007-04-27T23:16:00.000-05:00

According to this article in PC World, Steve Jobs is lobbying for music publishers to release DRM free tracks. EMI has already agreed to sell DRM free tracks on iTunes, and according to this article, Jobs is writing letters to the rest of the big record companies to persuade them to follow suit.

For me, one of the most frustrating things about purchasing music online is the lack of portability of what I buy. If I could easily convert songs to MP3 format (which I prefer) or even buy those tracks as MP3 files (which I already do at eMusic) it would be awesome. I think getting rid of DRM is the first step in the right direction, and if the record companies offer consumers more choice with less restriction I believe it can only help their bottom line.

Update: Yesterday's Bomb Threat

2007-04-27T18:26:00.000-05:00

According to the Abilene Reporter-News, several juveniles are being questioned regarding the bomb threat phone call received yesterday, which was deemed to be a hoax.

"the airport go boom boom when I get there with my bomb."

2007-04-26T19:57:00.000-05:00

Today was an interesting day at the office. There was a bomb threat for the Abilene Regional Airport called in to the Reporter-News this morning, which resulted in delayed flights and the evacuation of the airport.

After listening to the audio, I am of the opinion that it was some dumb kid put up to a crank call by his friends. Listen to the audio, and let me know if you disagree.

Either way, it's retarded.

God's Love

2007-04-05T02:08:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I really think that I have a hard time understanding, or maybe that I can't understand, the love of my heavenly Father.

I grew up from the age of eight essentially without my father in my life. He could have easily been a part of my life, but for whatever reason, he chose not to be. Because of this, I think that the whole idea of a Father's love can be hard for me to grasp. I haven't experienced that here on earth, and that makes it hard to relate to, and at times I find myself intellectualizing God's love for me and not really feeling it, and not really being open to feeling it.

That's not to say that I've never felt God's love---I have---it's just been a while. And perhaps that is of my own doing.

Sometimes I have to sit down and be brutally honest with myself, and the brutal honest truth is that I suck at being a Christian. I consistently act selfish and prideful and greedy, and I fail miserably at being the perfectly good Christian woman that somehow some people seem to think I am. I am a complete and utter failure at this whole thing of "acting the part" of being a Jesus Freak. And it is completely my fault, because I get prideful and think I know what's up, and forget that I'm not supposed to be in control.

It's time to stop, reflect, study, pray, and let God make his amendments in my life. Instead of feeling guilt and shame for not living up to supposed expectations, and trying to control my behavior and my life to fit a mold, I need to let God be in control.

Yet that is so very hard to do.

Sanjaya Should Have Waited a Few Years to Be on American Idol

2007-04-02T00:00:00.000-05:00

Initially, I liked Sanjaya Malakar. I think he has a decent voice.

However, that being said, he's 17, and that shows in his performances. He doesn't have life experience (or performance experience) to draw from to help him sell a song. He does do daring and...uhm...interesting...things with his hair. But that's about all he has going for him in my opinion.

So I was a bit flabbergasted that he wasn't even in the bottom three on last week's Idol.

The combination of Sanjaya being the first Indian-American on Idol, and therefor getting votes of the Indian-American community, his appeal with 10-13 year old girls, and Vote for the Worst is proving killer, and could be a credibility nightmare for Idol if he wins the whole deal.

Perhaps if he had waited until he was, say, 20, to audition for the show, his performance abilities wouldn't be such an issue for him. I actually feel sorry for him in this regard, because he's always going to have this hanging over his head, and he's going to have to work harder to prove himself. But then again, maybe that will help him become a better performer, and it won't be such a painfully boring experience watching him sing a song.

A picture, just so you can be scarred for life...or something...

(Photo via AmericanIdol.com photo galleries.)

Breif Thoughts on Celebrity Drama

2007-02-23T23:33:00.000-06:00

The last several weeks have been a three ring circus in the world of Hollyweird.

But the question is, why are we so insanely obsessed with Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Spears? Why do we care so much about the drama? Why do we feed it?

Why is there such an intense yearning of teens and twenty-somethings in Hollywood to take the partying and everything else they do to such an extreme? I just don't understand it.

But perhaps, since I've not lived the life of one who is famous and rich, and I've not had things handed to me on a silver platter, and I've come of age in a fairly normal fashion, I can't understand.

And it makes me thankful that I have had a normal life, with normal struggles, and normal boundaries. I can't say I'd have turned out differently had I been in their shoes.

Messy is the New Neat

2007-02-15T00:08:00.000-06:00

A little messiness can be a good thing, say experts behind a book entitled A Perfect Mess: The Hidden Benefits of Disorder.

I guess this means that I've been doing it right all along. (If you could see my bedroom right now...)

On Time Magazine online.

This Blog...the One You're Reading

2007-02-09T23:12:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I've written a decent blog entry worth publishing. Not that many people read it, (if you do, show me some love and comment. :) ) but not that it matters. Writing is an outlet for me, and I feel better and more at peace for doing it, regardless if it is read by the masses or not.

I've been doing some thinking about the direction I want to take this blog in. So far I've written six posts about faith in my life, revelations I've had of a spiritual nature. (And I know those of you reading this on Facebook are going, "What the??" I have this blog feeding into Facebook via RSS, which is really cool.)

Being a designer, and one who reads design blogs, I know that it is best to keep a blog on one topic, but I'm starting to think that perhaps I should expand to other things that interest me. After all, this blog is titled Confessions of a SmileyFreak, so why can't it be about several things I like or enjoy? I mean, Mark Lee writes about anything and everything he's interested in on his blog, so why can't I?

So I have decided, in the interest of possibly posting more entries, and in the interest of showing more than just one part of myself, that I'm going to expand my blog to cover current events as I see them, design, music, or anything else that I feel the need to write about. And now that Blogger lets you label posts, I can categorize, which makes multiple topics easier.

So look forward to more from me in the future.

Leting Go, Letting God Write the Story

2006-10-12T18:43:00.000-05:00

I used to be a girl who bought into all of the worldly stuff, thinking that I should just do whatever was trend. I thought that I should be like other girls, and dress the way they did. I thought I should have boyfriends like they did, and when I didn't, I thought there was something wrong with me. But there was a bigger purpose to that, and even though I wasn’t paying enough attention to realize it, God’s hand was all over that.

Our culture places so much emphasis on romantic relationships, and has skewed what love is and has ignored what God would have for us in relationships.

I wanted for so long to hurry up and find "the one" who I would marry. All my friends and acquaintances were getting married. So why didn't I even have a boyfriend? I thought there was something wrong with me. People told me to start looking hard, or I might be a spinster. People advised that I should live with whomever, that I should date a lot, and "experience" (whatever that means) a lot of guys before I settled down.

A couple of years ago, I decided that it was time for me to give up on me trying to find Mr. Right, and just let God handle it. As soon as I did that, I suddenly had this peace about it, and it felt like God was saying to me, "When I'm ready, I'll put you together with the man you are supposed to spend your life with. In the mean time..."

The mean time has been a time of growth for me, and I honestly think that if I was married two or three years ago, that I would be getting divorced at this moment. I didn't have much to offer in a relationship. I was too guarded with my emotions, and I had some things I hadn’t dealt with yet. And I still do. It's a daily process, which, with time and the grace of God, heals my brokenness and prepares me to be the wife that He would have me to be.

That doesn’t mean that the desire for a relationship isn’t there, it just means that I know God knows my heart, He knows most of all what I need, and when I need it. And when the time comes, everything will happen in the most brilliantly perfect way because it will be the love story that God has written, and not the fairy tale that I wished for through my youth.

Through my struggles I have discovered that true freedom comes through the surrender of our will, and our genuine obedience to God. If we give our lives fully to Him, then, and only then, can we truly have the ultimate freedom--the freedom from our sin, that was bought by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, who took upon Himself our sins, and died for us. He took the blame for us, and got the punishment that we each deserve for all of the stuff we've done.

I know I don't deserve His grace and love, but He gives it to me even though I'm a fully flawed human being. And that is what is truly awe-inspiring about our Father.

And He loves you too. More than you could ever imagine.

Grace & Inheritance

2006-10-01T03:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I can forget that though I am a human who does stupid stuff, and generally makes a mess of things when left to my own devices, that I'm still washed by His grace. I forget that grace is enough. I don't have to be perfect, I just have to trust in His Word. I have to believe that forgiveness comes through my humble request of it, not through my constant striving for moral perfection.

According to the book of Ephesians, when we believe, we receive the inheritance of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is our guide. When we read the Word, the Spirit is there, guiding us, helping us understand what it is we are supposed to learn. The Spirit is there when we lift our voices in praise to our God. And he's there every day of our life, in us. He's that voice that says, "Are you sure you want to do that?" or "You should help that person over there. They need someone to talk to."

This inheritance is a glorious thing; yet at the same time, we are trusted with one overall responsibility when we become disciples of Christ---that of going into the world and introducing people to Christ through the way in which we live our lives. We become Jesus through serving, not being served; loving, when people are unlovable; forgiving the unforgivable.

Do people see Jesus in you? Are you striving to live a life that is less about "me" and more about your Creator? Are you listening to what the Spirit is trying to tell you in your everyday life?

I ask myself these questions. I wonder what people see when they look at me. I wonder if I am a reflection of God's unfailing love.

Something to think about.

Emotional Rollercoasters

2006-07-24T00:28:00.000-05:00

Last week was VBS, and I was the director.

Did I see God last week? You betcha. I saw Him in the faces of those kids as they sang songs. I saw Him in the actions of those who helped with the various activities. I saw Him in the faces of the two little girls who got baptized this morning. He was very much present in every part of it.

To be totally honest, for the last several months, I've felt like my head hasn't been screwed on right. Not only because I have had a lot to do, but because I've maybe been over-thinking my life's direction a bit. I've been feeling really inadequate and mediocre.

Sometimes I have feelings about things, and I can't explain why they are there, or why I feel them. Lately, as in the past few months, I've just had this extreme feeling of frustration with myself. I've had no drive. I've been questioning myself on all fronts. My priorities, my attitude, and my dedication have all been put under the microscope in my own mind. And it seems like all I'm left with is the why, how, what, when and where, and unseen answers that I know exist somewhere, but I can't seem to find.

So what did I learn this week at VBS, aside from the fact that I can fit 30 large pizzas in the back seat of my Volkswagen Beetle?

I learned that I need to learn to lean on the people around me, and that I can't do everything on my own. I learned that if I give up control to God, and not worry about certain things, that He'll make magnificent creations from broken pieces. I've learned that things I thought I'd taken care of and dealt with, are still there, being used to make me stumble, and that I'm going to have to fight hard to keep from being defeated by them. I've learned there is a good kind of tired. I've learned that I'm weaker, yet stronger, than I thought I was. God taught me this week that He will make a way. When volunteers are scarce, He'll multiply their effectiveness, like He did on a hill one day, multiplying the bread and fishes to feed a multitude.

Now, I feel like I'm getting somewhere. And I'm more confident than I have been in a long while about the awesomeness of the place I'm going.

Grace, Mercy, Love, Forgiveness, Healing

2006-04-27T23:24:00.000-05:00

Have you ever felt absolutely filthy in the sight of God? I have. And just like every other person in this world, I struggle daily with the sin that is the filth that covers my flesh.

I have days where I feel like I'm dragging, and all the thoughts are focused on the doubt of my calling, how I am not "Christian" enough, not Godly enough, to be the leader that God has called me to be, and that my gifts and talents have been made useless by my own weakness and willingness to give in to temptation, anger, and sin. That voice of deceptions tells me, "You're no example. What are you doing up there 'serving the Lord?' You're never going to be good enough." And sometimes I believe it.

But then, there is always some small reminder that puts me back in focus, and gives me the proper perspective.

I sang at church on Sunday, and that morning I was feeling really down on myself. I was wondering how I was going to sing there's only grace, there's only love, there's only mercy, and believe me it's enough with any sort of conviction.

As the music began, I prayed, "Lord, just please help me. Give me peace."

I sang the words, and at the end of the song realized that God had given me a gift through that song, and that those lyrics were speaking to me in that moment, to what was in my heart.

Wow. I didn't expect that.

God never changes. He always forgives. He always shows love, mercy, and grace to us. And that's enough to wash away even the most disgusting filth we could ever get ourselves into. Even if it's for the hundredth time.

Only Grace by Matthew West

There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it's clear

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

You're starting over now
Under the sun
You're stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

And if you should fall again
Get back up, get back up
Reach out and take my hand
Get back up, get back up
Get back up again

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough, it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

There's only mercy and believe me it's enough, it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

so get back up, get back up again
get back up again

Valleys and Mountains

2006-03-27T00:49:00.000-06:00

Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

'Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You

Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again

Chorus

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me

-Mountain of God by Third Day

There have been plenty of times in my life when I've felt "broken and afraid." And even though I didn't realize it at the time, God was there throughout the whole thing, because looking back I can see his big ol' footsteps in the sand. He was there guiding me, carrying me. I know there were times when I was lost, and He was there, though I couldn't feel Him.

I heard a sermon recently, and in it the speaker was talking about mountaintop experiences, and going through the valley after them. He explained that there were different ways of looking at a valley experience---you can be in the moment, looking at the valley, and wondering where the way is outta there, or you can look to that next mountaintop, and move toward it. It's all a matter of attitude and perspective. We can choose to wallow in our pain, soak in our despair, or we can say, "This is hard, but things will be better. God will You help me?"

But still, so often when we are going through something, we'll say, "If I only had this, things would be better." I have been guilty of that myself. But slowly I've begun to realize that all of the things that I think I need are nothing, and that the only thing I need is God. He's more than enough.

Jesus came and paved a way for us. It's not the easiest road to walk sometimes, but ultimately through perseverance and faith, we'll see that splendor in front of us. We'll feel that grace and love and might live and in person. How awesome will that be? Won't it make all of the struggles worth it?

Third Day & David Crowder*Band --- What a Show!

2006-03-07T00:53:00.000-06:00

I had never seen the David Crowder*Band in concert prior to this show. I must say I was very impressed. David has a way of getting an audience involved (and it didn't hurt here in Abilene that he is a fellow Texan...we support our peeps. ;) ). I had bought A Collision a couple of weeks prior to the concert, and thought it was a good record, but seeing them live, and being a part of a real worship experience was amazing. I loved the song You Are My Joy live and in person. It's definitely a standout on the record, but live it's one of those songs that just draws you in to worship.

After Crowder's set, Tai Anderson, Third Day's bassist, came out and spoke a little bit about his trip to Uganda earlier this year. Children there are being taken from their families in the middle of the night and forced into being soldiers in the country's war. There are some villages where children treck each night to a place where they can sleep safely, without fear of being kidnapped. The story was really moving, and he talked about the work that World Vision is doing there in Uganda for these kids. The AIDS situation there is bad as well.

Then, Third Day came out and rocked the house! They opened the show with Tunnel off of their latest release Wherever You Are. I love that song, and I think that was a great way to open the show, as the white curtain fell down. Their stage lights and what-not were pretty amazing as well...I loved the flames during Consuming Fire! I also loved that they did my favorite song off of the latest record, I Can Feel It, and that they did Consuming Fire and Thief. I Saw the Light with the Crowder guys was off the hook! In fact, the whole acoustic set was pretty stellar.

Here's the full set list, via the Third Day Blog:

Tunnel
Creed
I Got a Feelin'
I Can Feel It
Consuming Fire
Keep On Shinin'
Thief
I've Always Loved You (acoustic)
Your Love Oh Lord / Nothing but the Blood (acoustic)
I Saw the Light (w/ Crowder)
Blessed Assurance
You Are So Good to Me
I Believe
Show Me Your Glory
My Hope is You

***Encore***
Come Together
Cry Out to Jesus
God of Wonders

Overall, I think this was an excellent show, and if you have a chance to go, you should do it! Third Day does not disappoint, and neither does the David Crowder*Band!

I can't wait to see Third Day again. :)

My pictures of the show on Flickr...