Perspective

Life gives us many challenges, and it isn't always fair. Sometimes we are faced with situations where we are treated badly. Sometimes those people intentionally treat us badly; other times, they may do so without realizing it.

When we're treated (we feel) unfairly, some of us choose to talk to the person we feel has wronged us. Some of us let it slide a couple of times, and then tell the people, "Hey, that's not cool." Others of us don't say anything and let our hurt build up until the point that we cut off ties with those people.

In the last case, are those of us who don't say anything partially to blame for the demise of that relationship?

You can't have any sort of relationship, be it professional, friendship, romantic, whatever without communication. If nobody knows how you feel, especially the person who you have a grievance with, how are they to know they need to correct their behavior, and/or apologize?

If you feel like someone has done you wrong, or if you have issue with them, don't let those feelings bottle up inside until you explode or just quit talking to them. You have to tell them.

When we don't tell people when we feel we've been wronged, it starts to skew our perspective, which in turn causes dissension and separation. We start to see the annoyances, the problems, and the hurts, and put blinders up to all of the good things and the love that is there, which begins to unravel the unity that exists.

Are you in a situation in your church, your workplace, or your home where you feel like you've been wronged? Are you talking about how you feel to those whom have been unkind or unfair to you? Do you see the good things about the people in that place, or do you just see the injustice? What is your perspective?

God's Love

Sometimes I really think that I have a hard time understanding, or maybe that I can't understand, the love of my heavenly Father.

I grew up from the age of eight essentially without my father in my life. He could have easily been a part of my life, but for whatever reason, he chose not to be. Because of this, I think that the whole idea of a Father's love can be hard for me to grasp. I haven't experienced that here on earth, and that makes it hard to relate to, and at times I find myself intellectualizing God's love for me and not really feeling it, and not really being open to feeling it.

That's not to say that I've never felt God's love---I have---it's just been a while. And perhaps that is of my own doing.

Sometimes I have to sit down and be brutally honest with myself, and the brutal honest truth is that I suck at being a Christian. I consistently act selfish and prideful and greedy, and I fail miserably at being the perfectly good Christian woman that somehow some people seem to think I am. I am a complete and utter failure at this whole thing of "acting the part" of being a Jesus Freak. And it is completely my fault, because I get prideful and think I know what's up, and forget that I'm not supposed to be in control.

It's time to stop, reflect, study, pray, and let God make his amendments in my life. Instead of feeling guilt and shame for not living up to supposed expectations, and trying to control my behavior and my life to fit a mold, I need to let God be in control.

Yet that is so very hard to do.

Emotional Rollercoasters

Last week was VBS, and I was the director.

Did I see God last week? You betcha. I saw Him in the faces of those kids as they sang songs. I saw Him in the actions of those who helped with the various activities. I saw Him in the faces of the two little girls who got baptized this morning. He was very much present in every part of it.

To be totally honest, for the last several months, I've felt like my head hasn't been screwed on right. Not only because I have had a lot to do, but because I've maybe been over-thinking my life's direction a bit. I've been feeling really inadequate and mediocre.

Sometimes I have feelings about things, and I can't explain why they are there, or why I feel them. Lately, as in the past few months, I've just had this extreme feeling of frustration with myself. I've had no drive. I've been questioning myself on all fronts. My priorities, my attitude, and my dedication have all been put under the microscope in my own mind. And it seems like all I'm left with is the why, how, what, when and where, and unseen answers that I know exist somewhere, but I can't seem to find.

So what did I learn this week at VBS, aside from the fact that I can fit 30 large pizzas in the back seat of my Volkswagen Beetle?

I learned that I need to learn to lean on the people around me, and that I can't do everything on my own. I learned that if I give up control to God, and not worry about certain things, that He'll make magnificent creations from broken pieces. I've learned that things I thought I'd taken care of and dealt with, are still there, being used to make me stumble, and that I'm going to have to fight hard to keep from being defeated by them. I've learned there is a good kind of tired. I've learned that I'm weaker, yet stronger, than I thought I was. God taught me this week that He will make a way. When volunteers are scarce, He'll multiply their effectiveness, like He did on a hill one day, multiplying the bread and fishes to feed a multitude.

Now, I feel like I'm getting somewhere. And I'm more confident than I have been in a long while about the awesomeness of the place I'm going.